It is windy today. The wind is blowing through the trees, making delightful sounds. The sky is covered in bright grey clouds, and the contrast between it and the bright green of the trees moving with the wind is lovely.
I like wind, it is so green and blue, very nice.
That is all I have to write.
Jun 29, 2011
Jun 26, 2011
Sounds
For the past two days someone, somewhere near my house, has been moving a large truck back and forth. Switching between moving forward and moving backwards about every 5-10 seconds. It is one of those trucks that has that painful, headache-causing beeping every 1-2 seconds while backing up. I have no idea what they are doing, but it is extremely disruptive to me. It went on from about 8:30am until about dinner time yesterday and today it started up at about the same time so I presume it will last most of the day as well. I have things I need to write, to figure out, to work on, and I can't because of that beeping.
Unlike my sense of touch, if I could reduce my hearing sensitivity then I would. The sensitivity of my hearing interferes with my ability to understand speech, which is the most important aspect of hearing I think. My inability to filter out unwanted sounds leaves me at the mercy of every every sound. The vast majority of sounds are unpredictable, so the sound stops me. It interrupts whatever I was doing and steals my focus.
It happens often that people insist that I favor their convenience over my ability to function, without understanding what they are asking of me. Attempting to explain myself has always resulted in a bad reaction. The only way I have found to salvage friendships after that is to give in to their convenience if I can, and then spend less time with them so I can recover from the effort required in doing so. Or, end the friendship.
It is easier to not try from the beginning, then people are so understanding and accommodating and kind and supportive. And even, many claim to be "inspired" by how hard I try, instead of angry at me for not trying hard enough. It is frustrating, to be so overwhelmingly told that trying my best is the worst thing I can do, that it is better if I always do only so good as I can on my worst days. That if I don't, it is my fault that I can't always be perfect and everyone gets angry at me when I can't maintain it constantly.
J., as usual, is an exception to this.
Writing about it has not made me any less frustrated. I just do not understand people. It makes no sense to me why they react the way they do, why they can understand something in one situation but not another, it makes no sense.
The beeping has been absent for more than 10 minutes now, maybe it is done for the day. I am hopeful.
Edited to add: The beeping has started again, oh well.
Unlike my sense of touch, if I could reduce my hearing sensitivity then I would. The sensitivity of my hearing interferes with my ability to understand speech, which is the most important aspect of hearing I think. My inability to filter out unwanted sounds leaves me at the mercy of every every sound. The vast majority of sounds are unpredictable, so the sound stops me. It interrupts whatever I was doing and steals my focus.
It happens often that people insist that I favor their convenience over my ability to function, without understanding what they are asking of me. Attempting to explain myself has always resulted in a bad reaction. The only way I have found to salvage friendships after that is to give in to their convenience if I can, and then spend less time with them so I can recover from the effort required in doing so. Or, end the friendship.
It is easier to not try from the beginning, then people are so understanding and accommodating and kind and supportive. And even, many claim to be "inspired" by how hard I try, instead of angry at me for not trying hard enough. It is frustrating, to be so overwhelmingly told that trying my best is the worst thing I can do, that it is better if I always do only so good as I can on my worst days. That if I don't, it is my fault that I can't always be perfect and everyone gets angry at me when I can't maintain it constantly.
J., as usual, is an exception to this.
Writing about it has not made me any less frustrated. I just do not understand people. It makes no sense to me why they react the way they do, why they can understand something in one situation but not another, it makes no sense.
The beeping has been absent for more than 10 minutes now, maybe it is done for the day. I am hopeful.
Edited to add: The beeping has started again, oh well.
Jun 24, 2011
Butteryfly Visitor, Clouds, and Cucumber seedling
On Tuesday (the 21st) I was outside and saw this lovely butterfly enjoying many of the sage's flowers. It stayed long enough for me to go inside to get my camera and take many pictures.
There were also such indescribably lovely clouds during the past week that I had to take pictures of, I spent much time watching the clouds in the sky as they moved and changed. It is a very happy and comfortable thing to do, watching lovely clouds. The first cloud picture was taken on the 17th. The other two were taken on the 21st, the day the butterfly came to visit.
Also, one more cucumber seedling sprouted on Tuesday, and I had to take a picture of it because it is so interesting how seedlings come up out of the soil.
I am not better, actually I think I am even more stressed since I am having more headaches and sleep is less good. But there are still many pretty things to look at and hopefully I will resolve the stress soon, it is all just school-related I think, trying to not mess up my transfer to UW.
I hope I can go to the zoo again soon, there is much I want to take pictures of there too. It is difficult to take pictures when there are so many people, but it is still good and I like it.
There were also such indescribably lovely clouds during the past week that I had to take pictures of, I spent much time watching the clouds in the sky as they moved and changed. It is a very happy and comfortable thing to do, watching lovely clouds. The first cloud picture was taken on the 17th. The other two were taken on the 21st, the day the butterfly came to visit.
Also, one more cucumber seedling sprouted on Tuesday, and I had to take a picture of it because it is so interesting how seedlings come up out of the soil.
I am not better, actually I think I am even more stressed since I am having more headaches and sleep is less good. But there are still many pretty things to look at and hopefully I will resolve the stress soon, it is all just school-related I think, trying to not mess up my transfer to UW.
I hope I can go to the zoo again soon, there is much I want to take pictures of there too. It is difficult to take pictures when there are so many people, but it is still good and I like it.
Jun 19, 2011
New plants for the Vegetable Gardens
Still not feeling much better and more stress even than before, that is too overwhelming and yet I have only ten days in which to figure it out and get all the many steps done. So I may not be writing much of anything for a while. But, I have pictures.
This is my seedling tray. Sitting on or near the space-heater, all hot-weather plants and it is not hot here yet. I don't want to wait until it is warm enough. The basil and rosemary have not sprouted yet but I have two corn seedlings, all six sunflower seedlings, and two cucumber seedlings.
This is my seedling tray. Sitting on or near the space-heater, all hot-weather plants and it is not hot here yet. I don't want to wait until it is warm enough. The basil and rosemary have not sprouted yet but I have two corn seedlings, all six sunflower seedlings, and two cucumber seedlings.
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| Corn seedling |
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| Two sunflower seedlings |
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| A sunflower and a cucumber seedling |
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| A cucumber seedling |
Jun 17, 2011
Sick
I haven't written anything because I've been feeling too sick. Too many changes, maybe. That makes it hard to write. I have many pictures, but I have not made them ready to post yet. I might do that later.
Jun 10, 2011
Pictures of my garden
So there has been quite a bit of growth in my gardens. And, some new plants that I just planted yesterday.
First, the tomato and pepper plants. I planted them yesterday against the south-facing wall of the house. Hopefully that will give them enough radiant heat to ripen the tomatoes. The peppers last year didn't even produce anything, so I'm hoping just to get some peppers growing this year. I was not going to try tomatoes again, but on Milla's advice I decided to try again. None of the rock walls currently up are facing the sun, but I figured the side of the house should help reflect heat to the tomatoes. And starting with big plants should also help.
The vegetable garden is doing quite well, although the basil is either not growing or is lost in weeds. I have such a hard time pulling and cutting "weeds", unwanted plants. It hurts to kill plants, I don't want to though I know it is necessary. But with the basil, I'm so torn because I don't actually know what basil seedlings look like. I get so hurt when I pull up a plant that grew from seeds I planted, it seems so horrendously cruel and terrible. Not that killing any plant is a good feeling, really.
The ants seem to be very much enjoying the kale, and bits of the beets too. I'm glad they like it, I like it too! So does the bunny, he and I each had a leaf of kale from the largest plant yesterday and it was quite tasty. I do think, though, that he likes it quite a bit better than I do.
The beets and carrots will be very difficult, I have such a hard time pulling up plants when it's the roots that are to be eaten. Both in knowing when to pull them, and just the fact that I'm killing the plant. I never know when they are ready to be eaten without being able to see the root and by then it's too late. J. doesn't seem to be hurt by pulling up plants, so I will ask him to do that when he thinks it's time. I AM looking forward to eating my carrots and beets though.
There are two types of blue flowers growing in the ground near where I planted the tomatoes and peppers. I have no idea what they are, but they are just lovely and that's good enough for me. The bees much like them too, and the wild onion blossoms growing just nearby.
The bees also love the sage blossoms, which makes it quite challenging to water the back garden. I love watering, but it is so painful to accidentally soak a bee. I don't like to hurt them, and it's terrible when their wings get wet and they can't fly. I don't always notice all the bees, but I try really hard to not get them wet.
My mosses are doing well, the irish moss is covered in the loveliest tiny white flowers. The curly spikemoss is doing so much better with more shade. I had covered it with a small piece of slate, but then J. got a huge piece of slate that shades it much better. Since then it's grown a bit and become much greener and more alive-looking. I'm so glad, it's such a lovely moss.
These I'm not sure what they are called but they are SO pretty. A few weeks ago they grew these hard spikey yellow points sticking up out of the plant, I assumed they were flowers. They were, but still unopened! They bloomed a few days ago, is how I know. I had thought the closed blooms were it's flowers (the first picture) when actually the flowers hadn't even opened yet.
The strawberries, both under the oak trees and the ones next to the tomatoes, are doing very well. I am so excited to taste the strawberries when they are ready! J. has said he'll get me more strawberry-producing plants too, so very exciting. The flower is from a native strawberry under one of the oak trees, but the berries are all from the two tiny plants by the side of the house.
The bunny enjoyed playing outside in his playpen while I worked hard to prepare the ground and then plant the peppers and tomatoes. It took a long time to chase him down and bring him back inside. Sometimes I wish he didn't like his favorite game quite so much but he adores being chased by and chasing me. It is very cute though, and I don't mind a huge much even when I am so tired.
And of course there are still so many hummingbirds, robins, woodpeckers, sparrows, doves, and so many other birds too. I recorded some of the birds singing one morning, but I don't know how to share that here. It's an mp3 file on my computer but I don't know how to put it here like the pictures. It is so lovely to sit outside, or even sit by an open window when it is cold like today, and listen to the birds. I really especially like the hummingbird noises when the streak down so fast I can't keep track of them with my eyes. But I like all the bird singings here, it's lovely.
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| The pepper plants (top) and one of the four tomato plants (bottom) |
The vegetable garden is doing quite well, although the basil is either not growing or is lost in weeds. I have such a hard time pulling and cutting "weeds", unwanted plants. It hurts to kill plants, I don't want to though I know it is necessary. But with the basil, I'm so torn because I don't actually know what basil seedlings look like. I get so hurt when I pull up a plant that grew from seeds I planted, it seems so horrendously cruel and terrible. Not that killing any plant is a good feeling, really.
The ants seem to be very much enjoying the kale, and bits of the beets too. I'm glad they like it, I like it too! So does the bunny, he and I each had a leaf of kale from the largest plant yesterday and it was quite tasty. I do think, though, that he likes it quite a bit better than I do.
The beets and carrots will be very difficult, I have such a hard time pulling up plants when it's the roots that are to be eaten. Both in knowing when to pull them, and just the fact that I'm killing the plant. I never know when they are ready to be eaten without being able to see the root and by then it's too late. J. doesn't seem to be hurt by pulling up plants, so I will ask him to do that when he thinks it's time. I AM looking forward to eating my carrots and beets though.
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| The vegetable garden |
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| The special potatoes next to the vegetable garden |
There are two types of blue flowers growing in the ground near where I planted the tomatoes and peppers. I have no idea what they are, but they are just lovely and that's good enough for me. The bees much like them too, and the wild onion blossoms growing just nearby.
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| The dark blue flowers |
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| The pale blue flowers (on a bush behind my fingers, I didn't pick these!) |
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| A bee in the sage flowers |
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| Emerald Island spikemoss, under it's slate shelter |
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| Irish moss full of tiny white flowers |
These I'm not sure what they are called but they are SO pretty. A few weeks ago they grew these hard spikey yellow points sticking up out of the plant, I assumed they were flowers. They were, but still unopened! They bloomed a few days ago, is how I know. I had thought the closed blooms were it's flowers (the first picture) when actually the flowers hadn't even opened yet.
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| Before the flowers actually bloomed |
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| The flowers now fully opened |
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| Native strawberry flower |
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| Lovely strawberries growing by the side of the house |
The bunny enjoyed playing outside in his playpen while I worked hard to prepare the ground and then plant the peppers and tomatoes. It took a long time to chase him down and bring him back inside. Sometimes I wish he didn't like his favorite game quite so much but he adores being chased by and chasing me. It is very cute though, and I don't mind a huge much even when I am so tired.
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| The bunny hiding in the tall grass, just before he hop-ran so fast to the tree |
Jun 7, 2011
Adapting to summer heat
There are two things about summer that are difficult.
The first is actually worse this summer. My corsets were never cool enough for summer heat, even here in Washington. But the neoprene vest makes me much hotter, enough that I'm worried about what to do for this summer. Specifically, the zoo trip next weekend might be warm enough that I'll over-heat in the vest. I need the vest. Or, I could dig out my old corset and hope it doesn't rip itself apart when I put it on. That probably is the better idea. Maybe I can try again to sew a corset myself, I can get the two instruction books I saved on Amazon to help. If I can be successful this time, I could try to make one out of cordura mesh.
The other issue is swimming suits. I cannot tolerate regular girl's swimming suits. For comfort, partly, and for just the horrible immodesty of them. I can't stand it, it's horrifying to me to have certain body parts have fabric pressed too tightly against them.
In the ocean, when I lived by it, it was simple. I put on boy's swimming shorts and a lycra tee-shirt and over all that a full-length wetsuit. The neoprene was comfortable in both ways, plus it protected me from scratches and bruises, the sun, and a bit from the cold. But neoprene reacts very poorly to chlorine in swimming pools, wetsuits are horribly expensive, and I don't have mine anymore.
I went to the store yesterday for a boy's swimshorts and a mesh tee-shirt, but the shorts ended up the wrong size. So I have to go back today to get the right size. The tee-shirt was good though. Still uncomfortable, but better than a regular cotton tee-shirt.
The pool was very nice yesterday, it was warm enough to enjoy. But it needs more "friends", of course stuffed animals don't work in a pool. I will get plastic ones, or inflatable ones. I want a tiny inflatable boat for them, but that I haven't been able to find anywhere. Not one small enough.
The first is actually worse this summer. My corsets were never cool enough for summer heat, even here in Washington. But the neoprene vest makes me much hotter, enough that I'm worried about what to do for this summer. Specifically, the zoo trip next weekend might be warm enough that I'll over-heat in the vest. I need the vest. Or, I could dig out my old corset and hope it doesn't rip itself apart when I put it on. That probably is the better idea. Maybe I can try again to sew a corset myself, I can get the two instruction books I saved on Amazon to help. If I can be successful this time, I could try to make one out of cordura mesh.
The other issue is swimming suits. I cannot tolerate regular girl's swimming suits. For comfort, partly, and for just the horrible immodesty of them. I can't stand it, it's horrifying to me to have certain body parts have fabric pressed too tightly against them.
In the ocean, when I lived by it, it was simple. I put on boy's swimming shorts and a lycra tee-shirt and over all that a full-length wetsuit. The neoprene was comfortable in both ways, plus it protected me from scratches and bruises, the sun, and a bit from the cold. But neoprene reacts very poorly to chlorine in swimming pools, wetsuits are horribly expensive, and I don't have mine anymore.
I went to the store yesterday for a boy's swimshorts and a mesh tee-shirt, but the shorts ended up the wrong size. So I have to go back today to get the right size. The tee-shirt was good though. Still uncomfortable, but better than a regular cotton tee-shirt.
The pool was very nice yesterday, it was warm enough to enjoy. But it needs more "friends", of course stuffed animals don't work in a pool. I will get plastic ones, or inflatable ones. I want a tiny inflatable boat for them, but that I haven't been able to find anywhere. Not one small enough.
Jun 3, 2011
The arrival of the Iphone
My new (to me: a "recertified," aka used) Iphone arrived today. I oh-so-very-carefully unpackaged it, unwrapped it's charging cable, plugged it in, and re-wrapped it. It is not being touched again until it's case arrives. A case that, while not as excessively protective as my Casio Brigade phone is, should hopefully be at least adequate for this ridiculously fragile device.
I'm not going to use it as a phone. As soon as it's activated with my Verizon account, I'm re-activating the old one. My casio brigade is not only waterproof, dustproof, drop-proof, and vehicle-roll-over-proof, but it's even acid-proof, chemistry-lab-proof, and toss-against-cement-wall-proof. Thus, it stays as my cellphone, for now at least.
The iphone will be my speaking device, music player, medication reminder, calendar, daily schedule, and other things device. Assuming it all works like it's supposed to and I can actually figure out how to use the thing without having it shatter into a million pieces in my hands, it should be quite useful.
For the moment, it is as safe as I can make it without unplugging it and sticking it in my lock-box. I, however, am going far away from it. Outside, specifically, where it is bright and sunny and almost hot, to cover myself in sunscreen and play in my garden with my plants and dirt and tiny shovel and giant scissors.
I'm still really uncomfortable from the incredibly intense lab class at school today. It was the final exam for the lab portion of the class, and it has left me shaking and headachy and sick-stomach and with that achingly painful energy in my hands. If I don't go outside and dig in the garden, I'll have bleeding lips and scratches all over my body by tonight. So frustrating.
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After all the work outside, I'm exhausted and my leg is hurting pretty badly but I'm a lot calmer than I was when I came home from school. The iphone is still safe. The case isn't getting here until the 10th though, a while to wait before I can try learning to use it. I dislike getting new electronic devices, it takes me so much time and effort to figure out how to use them.
I'm not going to use it as a phone. As soon as it's activated with my Verizon account, I'm re-activating the old one. My casio brigade is not only waterproof, dustproof, drop-proof, and vehicle-roll-over-proof, but it's even acid-proof, chemistry-lab-proof, and toss-against-cement-wall-proof. Thus, it stays as my cellphone, for now at least.
The iphone will be my speaking device, music player, medication reminder, calendar, daily schedule, and other things device. Assuming it all works like it's supposed to and I can actually figure out how to use the thing without having it shatter into a million pieces in my hands, it should be quite useful.
For the moment, it is as safe as I can make it without unplugging it and sticking it in my lock-box. I, however, am going far away from it. Outside, specifically, where it is bright and sunny and almost hot, to cover myself in sunscreen and play in my garden with my plants and dirt and tiny shovel and giant scissors.
I'm still really uncomfortable from the incredibly intense lab class at school today. It was the final exam for the lab portion of the class, and it has left me shaking and headachy and sick-stomach and with that achingly painful energy in my hands. If I don't go outside and dig in the garden, I'll have bleeding lips and scratches all over my body by tonight. So frustrating.
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After all the work outside, I'm exhausted and my leg is hurting pretty badly but I'm a lot calmer than I was when I came home from school. The iphone is still safe. The case isn't getting here until the 10th though, a while to wait before I can try learning to use it. I dislike getting new electronic devices, it takes me so much time and effort to figure out how to use them.
Jun 1, 2011
Rare self-gifts
I noticed that one of my most-watched anime series, which originates in drawn manga (comic books), has switched to a new English language publisher. The first releases are suddenly hard to get, and there's a compiled version of newly-translated versions of the already-released copies.
None of it currently is all that expensive, except book 7 at the moment. I've been wanting these for at least 5 years, if not longer. Now that the original releases are no longer in print and getting rare, they will only get more expensive.
I bought the entire manga series. The total came to under $40, it's hardly that much money. Especially considering that I've finally decided to go ahead and buy the iphone, now that J. has said that text-to-speech capabilities might be useful.
Silly, but I am happy. I have not read a single page of the manga, but I really like the anime series (movies) enough to have watched each episode over ten times (and counting).
The DVDs are much more expensive, and only the first two of the series are out anyways. The new company has also promised to deliver a translated book 7 and continue releasing Elgnish translations as the Japanese company releases them in Japanese. So I'm very very excited.
I have absolutely no idea why this particular series attracts me so much, but it I like it. It is not often that I buy things just for myself, as gifts, that are not purposeful, have no actual value, and who's sole purpose is pleasure. But it is a happy feeling.
None of it currently is all that expensive, except book 7 at the moment. I've been wanting these for at least 5 years, if not longer. Now that the original releases are no longer in print and getting rare, they will only get more expensive.
I bought the entire manga series. The total came to under $40, it's hardly that much money. Especially considering that I've finally decided to go ahead and buy the iphone, now that J. has said that text-to-speech capabilities might be useful.
Silly, but I am happy. I have not read a single page of the manga, but I really like the anime series (movies) enough to have watched each episode over ten times (and counting).
The DVDs are much more expensive, and only the first two of the series are out anyways. The new company has also promised to deliver a translated book 7 and continue releasing Elgnish translations as the Japanese company releases them in Japanese. So I'm very very excited.
I have absolutely no idea why this particular series attracts me so much, but it I like it. It is not often that I buy things just for myself, as gifts, that are not purposeful, have no actual value, and who's sole purpose is pleasure. But it is a happy feeling.
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